They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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