I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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