I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
