Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
