It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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