i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
