At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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