I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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