My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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