i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
