so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
