you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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