Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
