I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
