final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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