Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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