it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize