I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
