Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Randomize