I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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