Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
