Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
