May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
