Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
