I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
