i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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