Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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