He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
