we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
