I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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