Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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