Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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