the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
