yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
