Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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