How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
