My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
