I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
