I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
