There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
