walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
