I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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