I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
