small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
