It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
