I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
