shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
