Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sarcasm needs its own font
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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