I hate your face
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
