haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my sisters under your porch take her home
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
