Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize