Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
