he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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