There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
