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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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