nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
operation harelip BJ is a go
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Edward fifth and chaser hands
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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