Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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