apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize