So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
