GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize