are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
