Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
