She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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