I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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