I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
