ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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