I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
