don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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