Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Boobs are out for the taking
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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