Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize