There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
