can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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