he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
