If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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