i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
