Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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