i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
