Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
