i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
