last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
