remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
