So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
