Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
