HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
