We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
