really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
