I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills