Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
